Changing Tides

Life will never be the same. After today, your life will be entirely different than it was today. For instance, did yesterday look exactly like today? It may seem like it at first, but the more I have evaluated my life, the more I have realized that I live a new life every day.

This season of life brings an abundance of change for me. In fact, it does for many people. At the age of 21, most of my friends are graduating and starting "the adult life". That in and of itself is a great change in lifestyle from before to after May. However, there are some of us who have signed ourselves up for even more change, and while it is incredibly exciting, it is also frightening.

Photo credits: Logan Moran Photography

For the sake of anonymity, I'll call her Sandy. She's a realtor here in the 'Burg, and one brisk spring evening, I found myself rushing from my internship (where I had been since 8:30 that morning) directly to her office.

My week so far had looked just like the typical weeks had since January: spending three days a week 8:30 till about 5 or 5:30 at my internship, driving 30 minutes home, caring for my dogs, making and eating dinner, and then going to bed exhausted. There were a few days I would manage to squeeze in time with friends, my family, or Austin, but those were few and far between. Then the other two days I devoted to cleaning, and completing my coursework for college.

This particular week had started out no differently, and now it was Wednesday. I had just finished an emotionally taxing day at my internship, and was heading to Sandy's office with no idea how long I would be there, how much stress I would accumulate sitting in her office, and fear that she may tell me something I didn't want to hear.

I got there late.

Isn't it bad to show up late to an important meeting?

Don't realtors have high expectations of their clients?

Weren't the rules for this encounter similar to the rules for going to an interview?

I couldn't think about all the questions running through my head at the moment. I had dressed decently, had all the paperwork filled out (or so I thought last night), and I was late. So much for making a great impression... But what does it matter anyways? I have to go in and what happened happened.

We walked in, nervously holding our checkbook, application, and trying to hang on to our senses of self to conduct this "interview" we knew was going to take place as soon as we handed her our application.

"Ok." She checked over the paperwork to make sure everything was filled out. "Looks good... Looks good. Oh wow, so you're both graduating this year, huh?"

"Yes maa'm" we answered in sync.

"So when exactly do you graduate?"

"May 19th." I responded with a hint of pride.

"Wow! And then you're getting married? When is that?"

"June 2nd." Austin informed her with a small grin in my direction.

"Wow! All that and moving into a new house! What a lot of change all at one time!"

The rest of the time with her flew by as we filled out some more paperwork and handed her our things. She informed us that we were finished for now, that they would run their check on us and give us an answer the next day. We left the office elated the hope of being approved for our first residence *together*. Yet, simultaneously petrified that we would (for what reason unknown) be denied, and would have to settle for something that would never match up to what we hoped and dreamed for this particular apartment.

We did get approved, and we are beyond excited to be moving into the apartment of our choice. Sandy was great, and we both enjoyed working with her. I hadn't thought much of our conversation with her until recently. My schedule has begun to free up a little, allowing me to analyze all the change ahead of me in the next few months.

Anytime now: starting a new job (hopefully my first *real* job).

May 15th: having an apartment to call "ours"

May 19th: graduating from University, and for the first time in my cognizant life, no longer being a "formal student".

June 2nd: getting married

June 3rd: leaving the country without my parents, with no one to pick me up from the airport on the other side. Traveling alone with Austin for an entire two weeks.

June 16th: returning to the US, but to an entirely different life.

The more I think about it, the more I realize that there is hardly any aspect of life as I know it that will remain the same 2 months from now.

I don't know exactly what that means for me yet. I haven't figured out what scares me the most, and why this is any more extreme than any of the multiple moves I have made in my lifetime.

Maybe it's because I'll be married. Maybe it's because I will no longer be "protected" by student hood and being primarily a student under my parents' supervision. Maybe it's because adult life scares me. Maybe it's because I'm afraid of a full-time job. Maybe it's because I'm about to graduate, but I have no idea what career I want to pursue.

I don't know.

Maybe that's what scares me.

I simply don't know.

What I *do* know is that regardless of how much my life changes, how different my schedules are from year to year, how different my priorities are from week to week, my God remains the same. He promises to never leave me or forsake me, regardless of the life changes that come my way.

And when I think about that, all the fears, all the worries, all the "I don't know"s...

They leave.

Don't get me wrong here. Thinking about the future is not just a bunch of fear and negative emotion. I realize that all of these changes are incredible blessings that the Lord has given me. I'm freaking out that I get to marry my best friend. I still can't believe that we are going to spend two weeks alone together in Italy. It's incredible to me that when we come back, we will have a beautiful place to live; a loving, caring community to welcome us; and we won't have to go back to school.

I *am* excited.

But the fear of the unknown and the change sets in sometimes, and I have to consciously remind myself of Who is orchestrating all of this good. When I get my thoughts right, I can't help but understand that all of this excitement is only because I know the one who is planning it, and it's not me.

My life is going to change. Drastically.

My God won't.

There is incredible power in that. He is enough for me now. He knows what I need now. He already knows what I will need then, and He will be enough for me then, too. He sees me, He knows me better than I know myself, and He cares.

I know He's going to be there, so I can be excited.